I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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