You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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