The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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