Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
