I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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