Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
