shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
