saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize