Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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