I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
