please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My vagina is very pro this idea
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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