I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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