i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
