You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
