I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
