She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
