While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
