My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
