it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
