just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
