I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize