Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
