But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
