oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize