glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What drink are we having for lunch?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
