I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
