So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
