i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
