There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
