Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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