Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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