I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
