3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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