Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
