All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
