I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
