Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
