I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
