I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
