I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
