im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
