Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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