had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
