we have pet lesbian snakes
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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