everyone is single if you try hard enough
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
