I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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