I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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