in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
