im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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