my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
