marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
