Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
