And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
