cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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