I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
A bitchslap is in order.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
