My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
