DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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