I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
