i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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