im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
