There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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