We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
