They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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