it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
