oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
