is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
