How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hippo gnu deer
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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